Don't Stop Now
by OurMrsParker
Summary: Songfic. Karen reflections and angst. Set after confrontation with Harry but before the airport scene. Rated T just in case. R


Disclaimer: Love, Actually is not mine. I wish it was. If it were mine, I would've given Karen and Harry a happy ending. Poor Karen.

Author's Note: Alas, this fanfic does not bode well for the Karen/Harry romance. Karen angst, reflecting after she confronts Harry but before the airport scene. One-shot. First Love, Actually fanfic, so be nice. I heard this song and immediately thought of Karen. Songfic "Don't Stop Now" by Emmy Rossum.

_Follow you close  
Four steps behind  
Part of me knew  
All of this time   
_

I should've known by the way they were dancing together at the Christmas party. She's so young, Mia is, and quite honestly I think she looks like a cheap chav. But what was I supposed to do? We've been married for so long, I thought he would've had more respect for me. More respect for our marriage. Our children. Our home and family.

_Pushed it down deep  
Kept it so small  
To help me keep  
These fragile __walls  
From crashing down   
Around my feet  
Don't make a sound  
Just let you be  
Lost in her face  
Can't turn away  
This final blow helps me let go _

I found that gold necklace in his pocket, and I pushed all the "maybes" and "what ifs" out of my head. I thought this year would be the year – the special year – for him to give me something magical for Christmas. I wanted that necklace more than anything else in the world. A sure sign that he wasn't the same old Scrooge every Christmas. A sign that he cared enough to buy me something special, extravagant, beautiful.

_Don't stop now  
I need this to hurt  
Burn it into my mind  
No more second guessing anymore  
This is how it ends_   
_So don't stop now  
Get my head on straight  
And if seeing this is what it takes  
Please don't stop it now  
This will be the last time_

Christmas Eve…Bloody hell, it couldn't have been worse. I genuinely thought I was getting that necklace. It was the same shaped box and everything. But the Joni Mitchell c.d.…I could've gotten the damn c.d. anywhere. He chose to give the necklace to someone else. Some other woman. _Mia_, for God's sake.

_This darkened street  
You go to hide  
Illuminates  
You are not mine _

_These tears run cold  
My body numb  
I am not whole  
What have you done  
It all makes sense the disconnect  
Too many words we left unsaid  
But still I stare  
Frozen here  
Until the curtains close_

As I stood there, in our room, crying and wiping the tears away, all I could think of was what exactly this all meant. Could it just be a necklace? Or was he slipping out at night, meeting up with her in a pub, drinking and laughing and touching and loving. It killed me. It killed me to go back down those stairs and see my children and my husband and know that nothing would be the same.

_Don't stop now  
I need this to hurt  
Burn it into my mind  
No more second guessing anymore  
This is how it ends  
So don't stop now   
Get my head on straight  
And if seeing this is what it takes   
Please don't stop it now  
This will be the last time_

I think what will haunt me the most is our conversation after the play. I love Harry, I do, but what he did – whether it was sex or not – he can be such a wanker at times. I threw all my cards on the table in that conversation.

_"__Tell me, if you were in my position, what would you do?"  
"What position is that?" _

_"Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace and, come Christmas, gave it to somebody else."  
"Oh, Karen..."  
"Would you wait around to find out if it's just a necklace or if it's sex and a necklace or if, worst of all, it's a necklace and love? Would you stay? Knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?"  
"Oh, God. I am so in the wrong. A classic fool."  
"Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me. You've made the life I lead foolish, too." _

_So don't stop now  
I need to see this through until  
This final bar  
Illusions gone  
The show is done  
So don't stop now_

I let it go, though. I didn't want the children seeing. There's no sense bringing them into the mess. It would simply cause more hearts to break, and one is bad enough.

_Follow you close  
Four steps behind  
Part of me knew  
You were not mine_

So here I am. I still think about it. Wondering. Dreading if he'll do it again. I can't simply leave him. Not with the kids in school, and Daniel still needing someone to talk to after Claudia. Harry's going away on a business trip for a few weeks. Maybe that'll clear our heads. Or maybe it'll give him one more opportunity to buy gold necklaces for other trampy women. 

_So don't stop now  
I need this to hurt  
Burn it into my mind  
No more second guessing anymore  
This is how it ends  
So don't stop now  
Get my head on straight  
And if seeing this is what it takes  
Please don't stop it now  
Let this be the last time_


End file.
